something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
