my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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