i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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