First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
