dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
