wanna go halves on a baby?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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