i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
