I wish I could punch you in the face.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
