I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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