This girl is more easily done than said...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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