Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
