after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
