someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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