There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
