I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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