Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
