I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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