I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
