This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
