tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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