whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
