So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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