You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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