He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
