mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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