It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Damn victory sex feels great
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
