Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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