I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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