she sounds like chewbacca in bed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Come share oat with me in your robe
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
