Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
