Betty ford says i'm here all night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
