Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
