I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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