I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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