She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
