I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
