Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
