So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
