I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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