On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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