A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Congratulations! We have a period
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
