This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
