You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
