I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
