If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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