i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
