Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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