i just made my gag reflex go away.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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