If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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