I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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