Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
