Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
